oh my god my dad just went out to walk the dog and he must have got halfway down the street and then he just came back and I was like “what’s the matter” and he just said really quietly “i forgot the dog” and my dog was just siTTING BY THE DOORSTEP WITH HIS LEASH ON LOOKING REALLY SAD kOMFGYOD
This morning while I was getting ready I was watching Sesame Street.
They were doing this bit where some clown was trying to wash his hands but kept washing his feet or his elbows and Elmo would go, “no mister noodle, your HANDS!” and all the tv kids would laugh.
Around the fourth or fifth time he couldn’t find his hands, I heard a grown man yell from somewhere else in the motel, “GODDAMMIT, MR. NOODLE.”
LITERALLY MY FAVORITE STORY ON ALL OF TUMBLR.
i think of america as some sort of quaint faraway wonderland its like u guys live in another dimension what the fuck is black friday why is thanksgiving and whats the deal with wearing white and labour day and why aren’t there any fucking u’s in ur words why do you measure in like feet and body parts and shit thats super fucked up
I think you just summed up every British persons thoughts about America in one long sentence
*points to bedroom* This is where we frick frack.
*points to kitchen* This is where we snick snack.
*points to living room* This is where we kick back.
*points to bathroom* This is where we shit shat.
*points to couch* This is where we chit chat.
*points to computer* This is where we click clack.
*points to shelf* This is where we knick knack.
*points to sex dungeon* This is where we paddy-whack.
Chocolate comes from cocoa, which is a tree.
That makes it a plant.
Chocolate is salad.